please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
