Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
