hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
