remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
