i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
