Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
