and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize