i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
