Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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