He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
