you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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