Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We're like a lot better than the average bears
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
