i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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