I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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