Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
