The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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