U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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