dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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