How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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