Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
