Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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