Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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