the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Randomize
