..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
