I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
