im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
