I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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