love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
