Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
