Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Less talking, more tequila
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just had sex on a roof
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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