I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
