May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
