last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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