That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
