you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
