Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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