I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm passing your future prison.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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