Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize