Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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