they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Randomize
