I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
