I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
