I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
