So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
