Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
