my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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