I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
