The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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