Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
