the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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