i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm really busy with my period
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