he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
