Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why did my mother make you get naked?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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