she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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