Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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