It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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