I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
