We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
