This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
