Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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