And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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