You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
