I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Watching her eat just hurts me
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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