MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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