Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
