There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
